domenica 9 novembre 2014

FUNNY SHORT STORIES

 
A MATTER OF COURAGE
The commanders of the armed forces of a country were  attending a parade of the army,the air force and the navy.


My soldiers are the bravest men in the world." the commander of the army said.


"I'm afraid I can't agree" replied the commander of the air force.My  men have more courage.

You're both mistaken said the commander of the navy.My sailors are the bravest and most courageous men.

"Let me give you a demonstration of real courage."the commander of the army said.
He ordered a soldier to climb a flagpole 5 stories high and swing back down to the ground on a rope.
The soldier did so without a word


The commander of the air force just smiled.
He ordered a pilot to climb a flagpole 3 stories high and swing back down to the ground on a rope.
The pilot did so without a word.


The commander of the navy ordered a sailor to climb a
flagpole 7 stories high and swing back down to the ground on a rope.
The sailor did NOT do so without a word


"You want me to climb up there and swing down on a rope,sir?"
"That's an order,sailor" replied the commander.

"You must  be crazy.Do it yourself"said the sailor.

The commander of the navy turned to the others and said:
"That,gentlemen,is real courage."


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/12/film-frasi-divertenti.html

                      ITALIAN   
Un generale dell'Esercito, uno dell'Aviazione e uno della Marina stanno discutendo alla base di una torretta sul valore e il coraggio dei propri appartenenti all'arma.

Il generale della Marina dice: "I miei uomini sono i piu' coraggiosi di tutte le Forze Armate e lo posso provare".
Chiama uno dei suoi uomini e gli dice: "Voglio che tu salga sulla torre e ti butti

giu' senza paracadute".

"Agli ordini, signor Generale!" e il marinaio cosi' fa, ovviamente sfracellandosi al suolo.


Allora il generale dell'Aviazione dice:
 "Questo e' niente" e chiama un aviere e gli dice: "Figliolo, voglio che tu salga sulla torre e ti butti giu' con stile".
"Si', signor Generale!!".

L'aviere si butta dalla torre con uno stupendo tuffo (tipo trampolino) e naturalmente si sfracella anche lui al suolo.


Naturamente gli altri generali rimangono impressionati.


Allora interviene l'ammiraglio che dice: "Questo e' nulla" e chiama un soldato che sta lavando le latrine:

 "Figliolo, voglio che tu salga sulla torre, ti lanci giu' senza paracadute e con addosso tutte le bombe a mano innescate".

Il soldato guarda fisso in volto l'Ammiraglio e gli dice: "Ma va a farti fottere"  e se ne va.


Allora l'Ammiraglio si volta verso gli altri due e dice: "Avete visto? Questo si' che e' coraggio!"


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/11/impara-linglese-e-lo-spagnolo.html

  SPANISH       UNA CUESTIÓN DE CORAJE   
Los comandantes de las fuerzas armadas de un país asistían a un desfile del ejército, la fuerza aérea y la marina.

Mis soldados son los hombres más valientes del mundo. ", Dijo el comandante del ejército.

Me temo que no puedo estar de acuerdo", respondió el comandante de la fuerza aèrea.Mis hombres tienen más valor.

Ustedes estan equivocados  dijo el comandante de la marina.Mis hombres son losmás valientes.

Les voy a dar una demostración de coraje real.",Les dijo el comandante del ejército.
Él ordenó a un soldado de subir un asta de 3 pisos de altura y regresar a tierra balanceandose en una cuerda.
El soldado lo hizo sin una palabra

El comandante de la fuerza aérea se limitó a sonreír.
Ordenó a un piloto de subir un asta de 5 pisos de altura y regresar a tierra balanceandose en una cuerda.
El piloto lo hizo sin una palabra.


El comandante del ejercito ordenó a un marinero de subir una
asta 7 pisos de altura y regresar a tierra  balancenadose en una cuerda.
El marinero no lo hizo sin una palabra

"¿Quiere que me suba allí y regrese hacia abajo en una cuerda, señor?"

 
"Es una orden, marinero", respondió el comandante.


"Usted debe estar loco.Hagalo usted mismo", dijo el marinero.

El comandante del ejercito se volvió hacia los demás comandantes y dijo:
"Eso, señores, es el valor real".


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/11/funny-women-jokes.html

TAXI,MISTER?


When a was a student,I often worked int he afternoons for  a private taxi service.
One afternoon I went to Park  Avenue to pick up three gentlemen.
They wanted to go to Kennedy Airport,and they were in a big hurry.


They were booked on a flight to London in less than a hour.

"Can you get us there in time?" one man asked.
"I'll do my best,sir."I replied,and pulled away from the curb into traffic.


I kept an eye out for police as I made several illegal turns,cut in front of a school
bus,ran two red lights and barely missed several pedestrians.
I checked on my passengers as I raced down the espress-way.
They looked a little pale,and were rather quiet.


I screeched to a stop in front of the International Terminal with fifteen
minutes to spare.

One of the men paid the fare,and gave me a good tip.

He also said calmly,"it may interest you to know who my friends are.
One is a chief of police,and the other is a judge"

 
  It was my turn to be quiet!


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/11/funny-men-jokes.html

SPANISH :TAXI,Señor?
 Cuando una era un estudiante, a menudo trabajaba en las tardes para un servicio de taxi privado.
Una tarde fui a Park Avenue a recoger tres caballeros.
Querían ir al aeropuerto Kennedy, y estaban prisa.


Ellos habìan reservado un vuelo para Londres en menos de una hora.
"¿Nos puede hacer llegar a tiempo?" preguntó un hombre.
"Voy a hacer mi mejor esfuerzo, señor." Le respondí, y me alejè de la acera hacia el tráfico.


Tenìa un ojo a la policía cuando  hice varias vueltas ilegales,cortè la calle a un autobus delante de una escuela,pasè dos semaforos en rojo y apenas atropellaba varios peatones.
Vì que mis pasajeros parecìan palidos y traquillos  mientras manejaba a alta velocidad por las calles.


Lleguè a una parada frente a la terminal internacional  quince minutos antes.
Uno de los hombres me pagò la tarifa, y me diò una buena propina.


Me dijo con calma: "Quizá le interese saber quiénes son mis amigos.
Se trata de un jefe de la policía, y el otro es un juez "

 
   Entonces fuè mi turno para callarme!

 

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/funny-diet-quotes-and-tips-to-lose.html



  BAD DREAMS

When Pat Jones finished college, she decided to travel around the world and see as many foreign places as she could   while   she was Young.

 Pat wanted to visit Latin America first, so she got a job   as  an English teacher in a
school in Bolivia.
Pat spoke a little Spanish,  so  she was able to communicate with her students even when
 they didn't   know  much English.
 


     A sentence she had read somewhere was in her mind: if you dream in  a foreign language, you have really mastered it.


Pat repeated this sentence to her students and hoped that some day she would dream in
Spanish and they would dream in English.


     One day, one of her  worst  students came up and explained in Spanish that he had not done his homework.


He had gone to bed early and had slept  badly . "What does this have to do with your homework ?" Pat asked. 


     "I dreamed all night, Miss Jones. And my dream was in English." 


     "In English?" Pat was very surprised, since he was such a bad student. She was also secretly jealous
.

Her dream was still not in Spanish. But she encouraged  her young student,"Well, tell  me about your
dream."


     "All the people in my dream spoke  English. All the newspapers and magazines and TV programs were in English."

     "But that's  wonderful ,"said Pat. "What did all the people say to you?"

     "I'm sorry, Miss Jones. That's  why  I slept so badly. I didn't understand a word they said. It was a nightmare "

funny t -shirts
 

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/funny-politics-quotes.html

 SPANISH :PESADILLA  
 Cuando Pat Jones terminó la universidad, decidió viajar por el mundo y ver tantos paìses mientras ella serìa  joven.

 Pat quería visitar primero Latinoamérica, así que ella consiguió un trabajo como profesora de Inglés en una escuela en Bolivia.


Pat hablaba un poco de español, asì que era capaz de comunicar con sus alumnos, incluso cuando ellos no sabían mucho inglés.

 Ella había leído en alguna parte una frase que estaba en su mente:
 si sueñas en un idioma extranjero,lo realmente has dominado.


Pat repitiò esta frase a sus alumnos y esperaba que algún día ella soñarìa en
Español y ellos soñarían en Inglés.


 Un día, uno de sus peores estudiantes se acercó y le explicó en español que él no había hecho la tarea.

Se había ido a la cama temprano y había dormido mal.


 "¿Qué tiene esto que ver con la tarea?" Preguntó Pat.


"Soñè toda la noche,señorita Jones. Y mi sueño era en Inglés."

"¿En ingles?" Pat estaba muy sorprendida, ya que era un pesimo estudiante.
  Ella sintiò celos secretamente.
Sus sueños todavía no eran en español.
 Pero ella animó a su joven estudiante, "Bueno, háblame de tu sueño."


"Toda la gente hablaba en Inglés en mi sueño.
 Todos los periódicos y revistas y programas de televisión estaban en Inglés."


 "Pero eso es maravilloso", dijo Pat. "¿Qué te decian?"

 "Lo siento, señorita Jones,por eso me dormí tan mal.
Yo no entendía una palabra de lo que decían. Fue una pesadilla"



 

 REVENGE
Barbara Mann approached her old school nervously.After 15 years,it looked the same.
Barbara  remembered how miserable she had felt as a student there.


Her worst memory was of her old teacher,Miss Knott.
Barbara never knew why,but Miss Knott blamed and punished  her for everything.
Once Miss Knott had struck Barbara so hard that she had fallen off her chair.
Barbara remembered Miss Knott with pure hatred and had often wished for Revenge.


Barbara had become an actress after graduation,and her big break in movies was about to happen.
She was going to sign a contract to star in a Frank Ziti film
Every star in the business knew that a role in a Ziti movie was a ticket to fame and fortune.


The headmistress of the school was at the door to meet Barbara,and the hated Miss knott was with her.
"I sure you remember Miss Knott,Barbara" said the headmistress

Barbara trembled with fifteen-year-old anger,and could not resist an opportunity to hurt and humiliate the woman.

"Remember her! Oh,yes.I remember every cruel,sadistic moment I spent in your class.
I hope you continue to rot in this school for the rest of your life,you miserable old witch"


Miss Knott said in a cold,nasty voice :
"It may interest you to know I'm leaving this school as of today to get married.
He's a film producer - perhaps you've heard of him- Frank Ziti?"



http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/funny-compliments.html

 SPANISH VENGANZA 
Barbara Mann se acercó a su vieja escuela nerviosamente.
Despuès de 15 años, parecía la misma.
Barbara recordó lo mal que se había sentido como un estudiante allí.

Su peor recuerdo era de su vieja maestra, la señorita Knott.
Barbara no sabía por qué, pero la señorita Knott la culpaba y  castigaba por todo.
Una vez la señorita Knott había golpeado Barbara con tanta fuerza que se había caído de su silla.
Barbara recordaba la señorita Knott con puro odio y muchas veces había deseado venganza.


Barbara se había convertido en una actriz después de la graduación, y su gran oportunidad en el cine estaba a punto de suceder.
Ella iba a firmar un contrato para protagonizar una película de Frank Ziti
Cada estrella sabía que un papel en una película Ziti era un boleto a la fama y la fortuna.


La directora de la escuela estaba en la puerta para encontrar a Barbara, y  la odiosa señorita knott estaba con ella.

"Estoy segura que te recuerdas de la señorita Knott, Barbara", dijo la directora

Barbara temblò con la ira de cuando tenìa quince años de edad, y no pudo resistir la oportunidad de herir y humillar a la mujer.

"La recuerdo! Oh, si.Recuerdo cada momento cruel, sádico que pasé en su clase.
Espero que continúe a pudrirse en esta escuela por el resto de su vida, miserable vieja bruja "


La señorita Knott dijo con una voz desagradable y fría:
"Quizás te interese saber que estoy dejando esta escuela a partir de hoy para casarse.
Él es un productor de cine - tal vez has oído hablar de él- Frank Ziti "?





http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/01/amore-barzellette.html


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/albert-einstein-famous-quotes.html

**************   FBI JOKE  *******************
An old Arab lives for more than 40 years in Chicago.
He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. 


His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail.
He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden.
I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
 I love you, Your Father."


The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:
 "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
 I love you, too, Ahmed" 


At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.
Disappointed they leave the house.


A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son:
 "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That's all I could do for you from here. 

I love you, Ahmed."

               Where there's a Will,there's a way!

                    ***************************
 ITALIANO 
ITALIAN
 Un vecchio arabo residente a Chicago da più o meno quarant’anni vuole
piantare delle patate nel suo giardino, ma arare la terra è diventato
un lavoro troppo pesante per la sua veneranda età.
 Il suo unico figlio Ahmed, sta studiando in Francia.


 Il vecchio manda una e-mail a suo figlio spiegandogli il problema:
 "Caro Ahmed, sono molto triste perchè non posso
piantare patate nel mio giardino quest’anno, sono troppo
vecchio per arare la terra. Se tu fossi qui tutti i miei problemi
sarebbero risolti. So che tu dissoderesti la terra e scaveresti per me.
Ti voglio bene. Tuo padre."


Il giorno dopo il vecchio riceve una e-mail di risposta da suo figlio:
"Caro papà, per tutto l’oro del mondo non toccare la terra del giardino!
Lì è dove ho nascosto ciò che tu sai… 

Ti voglio bene anch’io. Ahmed".

Alle 4 della mattina seguente arrivano la polizia, gli agenti dell’FBI,della CIA, ,i RANGERS,
i MARINES,r ed i massimi esponenti del Pentagono che
rivoltano il giardino come un guanto, cercando materiale per costruire bombe,
antrace o qualsiasi altra cosa.
Non trovando nulla, se ne vanno.


Lo stesso giorno l’uomo riceve una mail da suo figlio:
"Caro papà, sicuramente la terra adesso è pronta per
piantare le patate. Questo è il meglio che ho potuto velocemente fare
date le circostanze…
Ti voglio bene. Ahmed."



http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/funny-jokes.html

                      ************
SPANISH 
 Un viejo árabe que vive en Chicago desde hace más de cuarenta años quiere plantar papas en su jardín,pero arar la tierra es un trabajo ya muy pesado para él.
 Su único hijo, Ahmed, está estudiando en Francia.

 El viejo le manda un e-mail a su hijo
Querido Ahmed:
 me siento mal porque no voy a poder plantar las papas en mi jardín este año.
Estoy muy viejo para arar la tierra. Si tú estuvieras aquí, todos mis problemas desaparecerían.
 Sé que tú levantarías y removerías toda la tierra por mí.
 Te quiere, Papá.


Pocos días después recibe la respuesta, también vía e-mail, de su hijo:
Querido padre:
 Por todo lo que más quieras, no toques la tierra de ese jardín.
Ahí es donde tengo escondido aquello que ya sabes.
Te quiere, Ahmed.

Aún no han transcurrido tres horas desde que el viejo recibiera el e-mail de su hijo cuando aparecen la policía local,agentes del FBI, de la CIA, los Rangers, los marines y algún que otro representante del Pentágono,que se ponen a remover toda la tierra del jardín buscando materiales para construir bombas, ántrax, lo que sea.
Pero no encuentran nada y se van.


Al día siguiente, el hombre recibe otro mail de su hijo
Querido padre:
 supongo que en estos momentos la tierra ya estará bien removida y lista para plantar las papas.
 Mi e-mail anterior, dadas las circunstancias, es lo mejor que pude hacer para ayudarte.
 Te quiere, Ahmed.

*********************************

JUST A SIMPLE QUESTION

 When Albert Einstein was on a lecture tour through the United States.He was traveling by car from one university to the next.During the long tour,he became very friendly with his chauffer.

 One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

 "I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

 When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room.

 The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

 Then a supremely pompous professor asked a very long and complicated
 question full of equations and formulas.

 Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said:
"Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
---------------

UNA PREGUNTA MUY SENCILLA

    Se cuenta que en los años 20 cuando Albert Einstein empezaba a ser conocido por su teoría de la relatividad, era con frecuencia solicitado por las universidades para dar conferencias.

 Dado que no le gustaba conducir y sin embargo el coche le resultaba muy cómodo para sus desplazamientos, contrató los servicios de un chofer.

 Después de varios días de viaje, Einstein le comentó al chofer lo aburrido que era repetir lo mismo una y otra vez.

    "Si quiere", le dijo el chofer, "le puedo sustituir por una noche. He oído su conferencia tantas veces que la puedo recitar palabra por palabra."

    Einstein le tomó la palabra y antes de llegar al siguiente lugar, intercambiaron sus ropas y Einstein se puso al volante. Llegaron a la sala donde se iba a celebran la conferencia y como ninguno de los académicos presentes conocía a Einstein, no se descubrió el engaño.

    El chofer expuso la conferencia que había oído a repetir tantas veces a Einstein.

Al final, un profesor en la audiencia le hizo una pregunta muy complicada llena de ecuaciones y formulas.

El chofer no tenía ni idea de cual podía ser la respuesta, sin embargo tuvo un golpe de inspiración y le contesto:
    "La pregunta que me hace es tan sencilla que dejaré que mi chofer, que se encuentra al final de la sala, se la responda".


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/animali-frasi-divetenti.html http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/barzellette-divertenti.html

Gandhi and the Professor

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
 Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected…. there were always “arguments” and confrontations.

One day, Mr Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor.

The professor said, “Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.”
Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.

Mr Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions.

Mr Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”

Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.”

Mr Peters, smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”

Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”

Mr Peters, by this time, was fit to be tied. 

So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Gandhi. 

Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.

A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.

 

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/02/internet-frasi-divertenti.html http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/differenze-tra-uomini-e-donne.html

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/11/impara-linglese-e-lo-spagnolo.html

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/12/suocera-frasi-divertenti.html http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/frecce-divertentitarghe-divertenti-e.html http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/05/ex-frasi-divertenti.html
 

http://amor71.blogspot.it/2015/02/come-avere-sucesso.html http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/11/le-48-leggi-del-potere.html


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/marilyn-monroe-le-sue-frasi-piu-belle.html
http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2016/05/cioccolato-frasi-divertenti.html

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/12/film-frasi-divertenti.html

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/01/amore-barzellette.html

http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2015/02/san-valentino-frasi-divertenti.html

Nessun commento:

Posta un commento