giovedì 30 ottobre 2014

Funny politics quotes

Little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way.
I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism.

 Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government.

 We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People.

 The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.

Your baby brother, we’ll call him The Future.
Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room. Mom is sound asleep.  Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks
through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.
 The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

 "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

 The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep,
 the People are being ignored
 and the Future is in deep shit."

Rules Of Washington
- If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

- Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

- There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.

- An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

- You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight
implementation every step of the way.

- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

- Chicken little only has to be right once.

- "NO" is only an interim response.

- You can't kill a bad idea.

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

- The truth is a variable.

- A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

- A promise is not a guarantee.

- If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

-Cows & Politics Explained

 You have two cows.  You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

 You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

 You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

 You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

 You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

 You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.

  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

 You have two cows.  You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 You have two cows.  They are mad.  They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

 You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

 You have two cows.  You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

 You have two cows.  You worship both of them.
 You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

 There are these two Jewish cows, right?  They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
 You have two cows.  That one on the left is kinda cute.

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