sabato 15 luglio 2017

Funny Bank jokes

During a robbery in the bank, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."
Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. 
This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.




When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" 

This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do! 


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When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." 

The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how
much we robbed from the bank!" 

This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! 



After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!
The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month." 

This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.


The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million.

 The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!" 

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.
This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

"Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank,
 give a man a bank and he can rob the world."

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 Quotes about Banking

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

“It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.”
― Henry Ford

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket

Gringotts was the safest place in the world for something you wanted to hide
 — except perhaps Hogwarts

“Money is a servant to politicians and the country.
But, if the politicians and the country become the servant of the money, the politicians has failed.”

Banks do not create money for the public good.
They are businesses owned by private shareholders.
Their purpose is to make a profit.

“If you're in 'HELL', you're in a bank.
If you're in 'HEAVEN', you're on the other side of the counter.

Analyzing or investing in Bank of America is like cohabiting with a two-ton rhinoceros: When it's good, it's not very good, and when it's bad, it's really beastly. 





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